Everyone encounters different things in their marriage. What works for one couple may not work for the next. My marriage was everything besides perfect at first but after about 5 years of going back and forth we’ve learnt what works for us as a couple. Maturing as individuals and learning to communicate better was what turned things around for us and over the years we decided to never stop working on these 5 areas in our marriage.
Open and honest conversations is vital to a healthy marriage. This doesn’t only mean talking but listening as well as understanding. In the beginning stages of our marriage I mostly worked night shifts that meant I only see my husband on my off days or when I work an early shift. He would go out with the band or to church functions and never tell me anything about it and even on the days when we are off together he wouldn’t even tell me where he is going. This was a huge frustration for me but I never got around to telling him how I feel. It was as if I do not exist at all and it made me feel very lonely. It took me a really long time to talk about how I feel and only when we started to communicate with each other, things began to change. After 12 years of marriage we don’t have to say much because we have grown to know each other so well.
2. Growing together spiritually
Both of us knows the importance of making God the foundation of our marriage which means that we have make time for prayer together. Continually covering each other in prayer and encouraging one another when we see the need, is what keeps us connected spiritually. This also teaches us that in order for us to become closer to each other means that we need to move closer to God.
3. Knowing when to put our kids first
There’s a certain remark that my husband likes to make…” Just remember, before they (the kids) was here, I was here and without me they wouldn’t exist “. This is when I know he feels a bit “neglected” and I have to pay more attention to him than usual (he’s such a baby). Yes, there are times when we need to be there for each other but there are also times when we choose to put the kids first when we know it’s not necessary. Being a mom makes this difficult especially when the kids stare at us with that perfect little faces.
Living in modern world where both parents have full-time jobs, time seems so little especially with all the tasks that awaits us when we get home after a long day’s work. My husband and I like to text each other during the day to set up a “date” but 98% of the time when our heads hits the pillow, we’re lights out. Intimacy is also not just sex with my husband but cuddling while having long chats or just watching a movie while holding hands under the blankets, on the couch.
Without trust there will be no us. When it comes to our finances my husband trusts me completely. He never asks me what I use our money for, he trusts me enough to know that I will work wisely with our finances. When he needs to attend events on Sunday evenings (when I usually get the kids ready for the new school week), I trust him completely. Trust is a choice we make everyday.
As I said previously, every marriage is different. What are your focus areas?