After celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary last month, I was so chuffed with myself because lately I’ve been feeling that my marriage is basically the only thing in my life that is going right. Like, I’m sooo happy with the way things are right now. I feel like I’m rocking at being a wife. Seriously, I feel the love from every angle and it can only be because I’m doing something right. Right?
Earlier in our marriage we didn’t quite have everything down. Marriage sucked and at the time it felt like it was the worst decision I’ve made in my entire life. Growing up without a father means that I grew up without knowing what marriage is supposed to look like. You see, we normally tend to do things the way we see our parents do things and all I ever saw was my mom doing the most at raising me to be independent and able to look after myself.
So, in the earlier days of our marriage, I found myself being very unhappy and frustrated with my husband and my life. The way he did certain things which wasn’t the way I thought it should be done. And instead of just going up to him and letting him know how I felt about an issue, I would just throw myself a huge pity party and suck it up. Nothing was ever resolved this way.
As the years went by, I realized that in order for me to not have random pity parties, I need to let my husband know how I feel. In turn, he needs to respect my feelings and we need to reach a common ground and resolve what ever issue we are facing at that moment. Keeping the lines of communication open, leaves no space for harboring feelings about issues that can be resolved easily.
My husband is perfect. Yep, that’s what I keep on telling myself. Let’s be honest…we are human beings and as a human we sometimes fail our partners. In heated arguments we sometimes say things that we don’t mean and even though you make up afterwards, we sometimes hold on to that hurtful things. Let’s be real here. You won’t believe how many married couples deals with much bigger issues than saying hurtful things. There’s cheating, all sorts of abuse, lack of intimacy, the list goes on. This can all lead up to where the one person resenting the other or things just go down hill from there onward.
Sometimes, even when these issues are sorted out and you and your partner decide to get counselling to resolve whatever issues there are, forgiveness is a struggle. Women especially find it difficult to move on from hurt. We remember stuff from 10 years back like it was yesterday. My husband usually calls it “the archives” cause sometimes not even he remembers certain things that happened back then. Like this one time when I had this weird dream and I ended up being mad at him for 3 three weeks. Imagine his reaction when I told him I gave him the silent treatment for three whole weeks for something that didn’t even happen?? Yep, that was me.
Forgiveness is imperative in any relationship as not being able to forgive will prevent you from moving forward onto a healthier relationship. You will also be stuck in the same place of feeling hurt and reliving these emotions over and over again.
Whether you are married or planning to get married, make sure you constantly work on getting this part right in your relationship. As a christian woman, I am a firm believer of making God the centre of my marriage. Marriage is awesome but it takes hard work and dedication to make it work. Communication and forgiveness is one of the main keys that helped my marriage flourish.
What are the keys that makes your marriage work like a well oiled machine? I’d love to hear your thoughts.