For a while now, I’ve been working on building a better relationship with my teenage daughter by encouraging her to talk to me (or her dad) about her feelings, her thoughts and the challenges she faces at school. She completely shut me out but I kept on trying and eventually i can say that there is some light at the end of the tunnel.
What most teenagers usually deal with is giving in to the pressures of being a teen and the need to fit in and look cool for your friends. I’m a firm believer that if you as a parent feel like your teen should figure things out on their own and they don’t need you or your advice in this particular stage of their life, you’re probably mistaken. Our kids deals with so much these days since they have access to basically everything through technology and what ever else that is so easily available for them without our knowledge.
Recently I’ve learnt something about my daughter that she dealt with a few months ago that made me very aware of the importance of working harder at our relationship. The saddest part of the entire incident was when she told me that people who I expected would share this information with me, already knew for a long time and didn’t even bother the give me a heads up.
Maybe some mom’s/people would feel that I shouldn’t be nosy or that I shouldn’t expect the people involved to share information about my child that was told to them in confidence, with me. While there is a little bit of jealousy that my child would rather confide in someone else rather that me, I was a bit disappointed that since she didn’t try me first, she decided that couldn’t be talked to.
Truth is, some people, even adults, don’t always give good advice. I would for instance teach my kids that sex is for marriage while someone else would tell their kids it’s okay to have sex before marriage as long as you use protection.
While all of us has our own set of rules and regulations for our own families, we do need that village to stand behind us to help our kids become amazing human beings. We all know that for teens, mothers are always wrong and everybody else is always right even if they’re wrong.
So in this situation, as a first time mom of a teenager, I learnt that you can’t always be sure who is in your corner and that you need reliable people, who share the same values as yourself, to be your village. And for now, I’ll work hard at being relatable and understanding towards my kids and what they deal with.