Now the other day I got home from work and as usual, Jody ran to greet me at the door. He wrapped his arms around my legs and I bent down to give him a kiss. I proceeded to my room to put my bag down, charge my phone and straight to the kitchen where I can get started with supper.
When I get home from work, Jody is usually busy drawing or writing or watching something on TV but this particular evening he decided to jump on me, ask loads of questions and play with me. I wasn’t in the mood. I quickly but angrily told him to leave me alone because I needed to get supper going and he should get back whatever he was busy doing.
“Yoh!”…was all he said and turned around and mumbled, “you’re not a nice mommy, you’re always angry”
Jaymee calls me from inside his room, “Mommy..” and before he could continue his sentence, I hurl back at him, “What??” He didn’t answer me.
I didn’t have a bad day at work, I’m not a moody person but I was acting a fool with my kids who just wanted my time and attention.
So here’s my confession.
I am an angry mom. I don’t know how I’ve become an angry mom and I have no idea when I became an angry mom. I also wouldn’t have known that I’m an angry mom up until that moment when my 5 year old son pointed it out to me.
Nobody ever talks about this side of parenting. The real side of parenting. Why? Because most of us wants to portray motherhood as being this amazing experience without any meltdowns and quick and easy bedtime routines because most times we don’t want everyone on social media to think that we’re less than perfect. But to tell you the truth, most moms looses their shiz one time or another and that is nothing to be ashamed of.
I don’t live in a perfect world where I feed my kids perfectly cooked meals every single night and my kids go to bed not a minute later than 8 pm or last weeks laundry is neatly folded and pack away. Instead, most nights I still struggle to get Jody to bed at 11 pm, we often have grilled cheese sandwiches for supper and last week’s laundry gets shoved from one corner to the other. Also, I work a full-time job, juggle more tasks at one particular time, sleep less than what I should, is on call 24 hours and is expected to have super powers.
Many of these things that I’ve mentioned now is most likely the cause of why my “fuse” is so short.
How can I fix it or make everything feel less overwhelming?
- I could ask some help with the laundry.
- I can make my task list shorter that what is is now.
- I don’t have to beat myself up on those nights when I feed my kids sandwiches for supper.
- And I don’t have to have it all together all the time.
All of the above is unnecessary pressures that I inflict on myself daily. We get told to enjoy motherhood and to savor all the special moments but how do you savor the moment your toddler throws himself on the floor in Pick n Pay for a Ninja Turtle lucky packet thingy that almost costs R50? It’s tricky, really.
We all loose it every now and then and although it is not the ideal way to react, especially when it comes to your kids, it happens. What this is teaching me is that I need to stop wanting everything to be perfect or do everything myself. For me to be in the best shape or state of mind, I need to take care of myself first. How does that saying go? “You can’t pour from and empty cup”.
So next time your kid throws that tantrum in public, don’t feel embarrassed. When you get home from work and you need a few minutes of peace and quiet, by yourself, don’t feel guilty. If you need a break from your kids (or your husband), stay a bit later at the office or go take a stroll in the mall by yourself. Trust me, they will all still be alive when you get home.
To all the angry moms out there, you need a break!